Death is every where lately around my life and it's really starting to freak me out...And the city is make it worse. I can't escape any of my fears and then if I go home, it does not feel like home at all because every time I do go home, there's always some disruption in my household, literally every time. I want my room, my bathroom, and my space. I want to come home and not have to wonder where I'm going to sleep and in what room will I not be able to hear ruckus going on without having to turn the AC on, or just be able to have sex in my own bed! I want to go home and not have to worry about being questioned by anyone other than my parents. I want to go home and not have to think about what I look like and I want to freely be able to sit on the couch without being bothered by some "guest". If all of this shit isn't done with by winter break, I'm really going to flip and I will flee to the other side of the country. I know that I'm being a little selfish, but I've been so anxious recently and so nervous and on edge, the last thing I need to do is worry about things that are going on at home, while some terrorist was an hour away from finishing his bomb to blow up parts of the city. I just want to go home for a few days for peace and quiet and to escape the busy city and it's not possible and I'm losing it. And if I spend time with gregs family, greg's sister in-law's father is dying and it just reminds me of how and what my grandfather looked like when he was dying from the same cancer and how I would be devastated if I were her. I just need more positive things around me right now to get through these tough times and I don't even know where to begin. And then there is winter break, where everyone is forced to see and deal with people from high school they don't want to...And trust me, I'm over all of the people who brought me down, were hypocrticial, and treated me like shit. And there is a reason certain people aren't in my life and it's a good thing. Maio, Jeff, and I were talking about how so many people we used to be close with are just changed, and not in a good way and I just don't want to see them or have that awkward run in. It's so sad to see that happen, but it's life and I'd rather find out now rather than later. Winter break of college is annoying because everyone tries to come back and pretend nothing has really changed and it causes people to act fake and it's ridiculous. If I'm not friends with you, then I don't want to see you, and I sure as hell do not want to go to a bar with you, hang out with you...NOTHING...but that always seems like a challenge because some of my friends still put drinking and getting drunk as a priority...or even worse doing hard drugs...it's ridiculous and this is the last thing I want out of break...when are we going to grow the fuck up? no wonder why these ridiculous college kids are protesting...they all want shit handed to them...if you don't intern, then you're not going to have a job right out of college and it's going to be really hard to do so. If you're not willing to put the work in now, then you're fucked and I don't want to hear anyone complain about it. You went to school, dug your own grave by not doing the things you're supposed to do, and that's not the governments fault, it's your fault for not utilizing the resources that are around you...So in 10 years when these protesters and other dumbasses are living in a basement being a burn out with no future, what are they going to blame then? No one in our generation takes any responsibility for their actions and it pisses me off to NO end
Sorry for the venting, clearly pmsing..don't judge....=)
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